Slow Sex: Can It Truly Help Build Intimacy and Close the Orgasm Gap in the Bedroom?
Slow sex, sometimes referred to as mindful sex, has been gaining more and more traction as people are looking for ways to improve their sex lives.
And really, what better way there is to connect with your partner and have more quality orgasms than spending long, lazy afternoons rolling in the sheets?
What on earth is slow sex?
You might be wondering -- what is the difference between slow sex and fast sex or regular sex?
Well, we're all familiar with the term "quickie" when you get with your partner for a hot, quick sexy time when you're feeling horny. It's usually spontaneous and dirty, and we love it.
Now, slow sex, on the other hand, is when you take your time and don't rush to the finish line when having sex with your partner. It's less about orgasms and more about being present and enjoying your partner's body to the fullest.
However, just because slow sex is not focused on getting to the big O the fastest way possible doesn't mean it's not pleasurable. There are tons of pleasurable activities to do with your partner during foreplay that will turn you both on while allowing you to connect on a deeper, more meaningful level.
Benefits of slow sex for your relationship
Engaging in long foreplay sex with your partner has a lot of benefits for all parties involved:
1. Helps to build intimacy
You can connect with your partner over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, or you can do so in the bedroom, naked as your bodies touch. Which one sounds more fun?
While a quicky is fun and needed at times, it doesn't provide you and your partner enough time to truly get to know each other's bodies. That's where slow sex comes in handy. You both come with the intention of enjoying each other's company without the pressure to orgasm, and that can help build intimacy and better connect to your partner.
Better intimacy has great benefits for a relationship. It allows you to feel more secure, loved, and confident. And it also creates a safe environment for communication in all aspects of your relationship.
2. Better orgasms
On average, it takes a man 5-6 minutes to orgasm. For women, the time is almost triple -- around 15 minutes. Researchers also found that intercourse alone is not everything for women.
"69% of women in this study reported that intercourse alone was not sufficient to lead to orgasm, which tells us that it's very common for women to need other activities or forms of stimulation in order to climax," Dr. Justin LehMiller writes. These differences in our bodies are why the orgasm gap exists and why the satisfaction with sex life for men and women is rarely the same.
Long foreplay and mindful sex can help improve the quality of sex life for everyone, but it's especially true for women. Really taking the time to get warmed up and turned on makes a huge difference when it comes time for intercourse, which will result in better, more intense orgasms.
3. More orgasms
The more, the merrier, they say? Well, that's very true to orgasms as well.
Some women can orgasm multiple times during one sex session, and slow sex is the way to make it happen. There are also different types of orgasms to experience -- cervix, clitoral, vaginal, blended, and many more.
Foreplay can help you experiment with different sensations and orgasms, so one more reason to try it next time you have sex with your partner.
4. Helps to reduce stress
Stress is a known libido-killer, which can compromise your want to have sex. However, sex is one of the best ways to combat stress as it lowers cortisol and increases the production of happy hormones like serotonin and dopamine.
When you're stressed, sex might not be that appealing because it will require a lot of energy and attention. Now, mindful or slow sex is a great alternative. Instead of going in sex with the mindset of getting it over fast, go with the intention of spending some quality time with your partner.
Making out, touching each other, whispering sweet nothings while you're falling asleep in each other's arms works like the best cure for a stressed mind.
7 Foreplay tips for better sex
So, are you interested in trying out slow sex for yourself? Then, it's time we talk about the best foreplay tips that will help you get the most out of your experience:
1. Long make-out sessions are not only for teenagers
Remember when you used to make out with your significant other any chance you got as a teenager? Without any pressure for going further, just being in the present and enjoying their company?
As people age, old-school making out tends to become rarer or reserved only for quick tongue fighting before sex. So, why not start your mindful sex practice by simply getting undressed with your partner and spending as much time as you want simply making out.
No rushing, no thinking of your to-do list or whether it's time to take it further. Just immerse yourself in the present, in the way your partner's skin feels, the way they make you feel, and how nice it all is.
Kissing has a lot of health benefits, and it also helps you connect with your partner on a deeper level, so dedicate some time during foreplay for that.
2. Bring in the erotica
Many couples like to watch porn together as a way to spice things up in the bedroom. But if you want a more slow, romantic sex experience, try reading erotica with your partner instead. Trust us -- books can be sexy!
Having a screen in the bedroom might be distracting, and with porn being targeted for quick satisfaction, erotica works way better in a mindful sex scenario. There are tons of erotica material online, or you can pick up one of the classics from Anais Nïn or other erotica authors.
Ask your partner to read it for you. Then, read it for them. Make it into a bonding experience, where you both discuss which parts were the most interesting, which turned you on, which ones you might even want to try. It could be a way to communicate some of the sexual desires you're shy to talk about with your partner.
If you're not a book reader, don't worry. There are plenty of audiobooks for you to listen to, or you can even get a Dipsea app that has erotica stories to choose from, all created with women in mind.
3. Get help
Yes, your mouth and fingers are good enough, but why stop there? Don't be shy, and bring in the toys to help you play with different textures, feels, and stimulations.
Toys like remote-controlled vibrators can come in handy when you want to give control over your pleasure to your partner. They hold the remote, and they can tease you however they wish -- and you never know when the next wave of vibrations is coming.
Or, if you're looking for something to add different sensations, it might be worth trying special gels. Bijoux Indiscrets Nipple Play Gel is perfect for adding some temperature play to your nipples. Apply the gel over your nipples and let the tingly sensations drive you mad while you're exploring your partner's body.
Want something warmer? Then use the Clitoral Balm that has ingredients that create an instant warming effect. It feels great on your clit and in many different areas of your body.
The possibilities are endless here -- choose your favorite toys and tools that turn you on and use them on your partner and ask them to use them on you during foreplay.
4. Give your partner a massage
Everyone loves a good back rub. So, why not incorporate a nice massage as part of your foreplay?
Get naked with your partner, put some towels under you if you don't want to get the massage oils on the sheets, and get busy. You can start with some simple rubs over your partner's hands, neck, and face. Head massage is relaxing and feels fantastic.
When you're ready to move to their body, don't forget to use the massage gel or oil. Pour it over your partner's body and let your hands slide around, gently massaging and rubbing. Make it more fun by avoiding their primary erogenous zones, teasing and coaxing them, building anticipation.
Not only will the full body massage help women get turned on but it also has great benefits for men. "There's an added benefit for men—receiving extended whole-body massage yourself helps prevent premature ejaculation," explains sex researcher and journalist Michael Castleman.
We have a naughty tip for the bravest ones out there: opt for a massage oil candle instead of going for massage oil. It's going to add some temperature which will make things even more exciting.
5. Focus on the breathing
Breathing can change the way you experience pleasure. When you're in an aroused state, the blood flow is increased to your genitals. However, the more aroused you're, the shorter your breaths become, which actually can disturb the blood flow.
To increase the pleasure, focus on breathing deep and slow, which will allow for a better blood flow to your genitals, making the sensations so much better. That's why tantric sex practitioners use breathing techniques in their practices.
Also, try syncing your breaths with your partner. It's a fun little exercise to build intimacy and bring you closer to each other.
6. Be present with your partner
Being present during sex should be a given, but it's not for many people, especially women. And when you're thinking about anything but sex and your partner with you, it can be hard to fully enjoy the experience.
There is also the pressure of performance that many women think about when having sex. A lot of societal pressure and norms had made sex confusing. Most women go into sex with the intention of performing for their partners and pleasing them, instead of sex being an equal ground for both of the partners to enjoy the experience together.
So, start small by leaving all the expectations behind. It's nothing and nobody else, just you and your partner, exploring each other's bodies and learning to connect.
7. Bring them close, over and over again
Edging is sexy, and it can make orgasms super intense and help your partner last longer. So, it's an ideal activity to try during a slow sex session with your partner.
Either with the help of the toys or simply with your hands and mouth, pleasure your partner, but don't let them orgasm. It's pleasant torture, which is sure to be fun for both parties involved.
Taking the time to slow down in the bedroom can make a massive difference to your relationship with your partner and yourself. Sex can be enjoyed without the pressure to perform, simply as a way to explore pleasurable sensations and deepen the bond with your significant other.
So, next time you’re ready for some sexy time, we suggest you give slow sex a try. It might as well become your favorite way to have sex, so be warned!
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